Leaving you behind

I was meant to leave you behind

Leave you behind years ago

I tried and tried for days, months and years

What remained was trying harder still every time

There were days I succeeded

Days when you didn’t creep back inside my head

Days that would pass without even a mention of you

But still there were more days that I could count

More days when I failed

Days when you dominated every thought

Days when all I talked about was you

What is this power that you hold over me?

Why do you come rushing back to me?

As a memory, a song, a joke…

Why does everything have an imprint of you?

Why did you leave so much of you behind?

When you didn’t take any of me with you…

When all you did was leave…

And leave without a care

Not even a spare thought. 

Stranded and strangled

Plagued by feelings

Overwhelming emotions crash over me

Suffocated by questions that live inside of me

Tired of the flowing tears that just don’t stop

Standing alone

At a cross roads that I didn’t want to be at

Chilled to the soul

With no idea which way to take

I stand stranded

Waiting for somebody to lead me

Take me where I should be

Away from the questions

Away from the sound of chaos in my own head

Away to a place where I can just be numb

Running away from faces, sounds and my own shadow

I fail at it miserably

Capturing myself even more

Smiling for people

Speaking just to make my presence felt

I cage myself with each new person, each new voice...

Falling to pieces

I don a disguise with everyone I meet

I’m a different someone with a different somebody

Caught up in my different faces

I forgot which one is real

Looking into an ocean

For a drop of saltless water

I stand here with nothing

Apart from the remains of those times that went by unknown.

Drowned myself in parts

A disguise gone here

A whole piece there

 These lost and shattered pieces

Come back to haunt me

A part that I left behind with that friend

Another piece that withered with the loss of a loved one.